Mariaye

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Get married
2.) Have children
3.) Get an Italian Greyhound

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Amber
2.) Ambii
3.) Derpina

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Lolno
2.) Lolno
3.) Lolno

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) My eyes
2.) My lips
3.) My legs

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) German
2.) Italian
3.) English

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Snakes
2.) Waking up during surgery
3.) I can't think of another

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Water
2.) Soap
3.) Food

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) Shirt
2.) Pants
3.) Bra

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Dir en grey
2.) Bo Burnham
3.) Bodyslam

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Yokan- Dir en grey
2.) Rant- Bo Burnham
3.) Aok Huk- Bodyslam

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) Someone who's similar to me
2.) Someone with a brain
3.) I don't want any of that drama bullshit

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I like the sound of scratching against denim
2.) I got to meet and shake hands with the lead singer of Dir en grey
3.) My grandpa had a pet chimp at one point

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Writing
2.) Daydreaming
3.) Cooking

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) DANCE
2.) Listen to musics
3.) Go for a run

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Teaching
2.) Vet
3.) Chef

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Thailand
2.) Jamaica
3.) India

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Leah
2.) Emery
3.) Jun

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I fucking love dresses
2.) And hair bows
3.) And jewelry

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I like fixing things
2.) And cars
3.) And motorcycles

So, this morning, I went for a three mile run. And holyfucking shit my feet hurt. I typically don't run. Ever. Because I am lazy and lazy people don't do that shit.

But seriously, I want to lose some weight. I'm like 15 pounds overweight. GUYS IT ALL GOES TO MY ASS NO ME GUSTA DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING IT IS SL;FJ. Being realistic though, I don't mind the size I'm at now- I just want to be more healthy overall. If I lose weight doing it, awesome.

I actually feel pretty great now. My lungs burned like hell and my feet are tired, but I feel amazing having taken a little run after breakfast.

AMBER, WHY YOUR ASS SO FAT.

[/stupid journal entry with terrible grammar and whatnot]

Because of

[ ] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
Total so far: 1

[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
Total so far: 2

[ ] rain
[x] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes
Total so far: 5

[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[ ] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
Total so far: 7

[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[x]  throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
Total so far: 9


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If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of ____ out of 72 common fears.

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 21, you're paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.

I'm not fearless.

When I sit down and decide to really put my mind to it, most of the events in my life have not, in the least, been good ones. I'd rather not elaborate that statement here- but honestly, when you truly look at your life from a nearly unbiased standpoint, how much have you suffered? Inevitably, you've suffered far more than anything else.

None of us like to admit that. And with good reason. Happiness is sort of an illusion, wouldn't you agree? It's only attainable through ignorance.

Wouldn't you agree that ignorance is bliss? You IGNORE the shitty baggage you've been forced to carry throughout each stage of your life, you IGNORE the guarantee that all which you love will eventually crumble into nothing, you IGNORE whatever you may be lacking, you IGNORE the fact that you're even IGNORANT and simply focus on your happiness.

Fuck this shit, I wanna be ignorant again. Thinking isn't fun.

I have failed to complete anything of great value in quite a while. Recently, I've found myself building onto a long-begun piece in minuscule steps. My writings have been incredibly slow in coming to- hence the shitty gallery.

Procrastination, you are my enemy. I really want to get things done. I'm itching to post something that's the product of hard work. Something that actually displays any abilities I do have; and conveys some part of me that I've yet to allow another to see.

Get yourself together, Amber. Get off your ass. Work.